You just found out that your job is going to be outsourced and you are given two weeks’ notice. The doctor’s report shows the cancer has spread and you have six months to live. Someone knocks on your door and hands you divorce papers. The contract that held your business together is ending in 30 days. A phone call from the hospital says your child has been in a terrible accident and it doesn’t look good.
I don’t know how I would answer to each of these events. We all have our personal systems or frameworks for coping with them, and we respond to them the best we can at the time.
Prior to living through a few of those events, I remember saying to myself, family member and close friends that I would handle them without any problems or blowback. But after walking through the dark valley with such circumstances, I can say that you don’t know how you will react until the shoe is on your foot.
When my back was against the wall, the framework I ultimately chose was that of my personal walk with God. This was the last life raft I grabbed onto to keep from drowning in a sea of self-pity. The emotion of self-pity is so strong that it can take down even the strongest person. It feels as if you are on a boat that is taking on water, and all you have is a small cup to draw the water out.
Before God, I grabbed onto many other objects, such as drinking alcohol, watching pornography, not taking responsibility for my choices, running as fast as I could from any type of relationship or just running to the next big event. This type of lifestyle is one that I gave myself a free pass to live because of the pain and anguish I was suffering from at the time. I felt justified in being self-indulgent and keeping a clear conscious because life’s events seemed unfair.
It was after waking up on the side of the road in my Jeep that the change came. I realized that I could have caused a terrible accident and inflicted as much pain and suffering on other families that I experienced. I also realized that God had given me so much to live for in this lifetime. I had a daughter, Annie, who needed a dad whose lifestyle she could look at and be proud of. I had many years ahead of me, good health and a business that needed my knowledge and experience. I knew other families would ask why, as I did, when their child was taken from them so suddenly. I knew that I could be there for them to share their sorrow and grief.
So that was when I reached out for the life raft God had extended to me, because He had me in the palm of his hand.
Lisa Lane says
You are an inspiration! Your post has appeared before me when I truly needed it. I am not going through anything as horrific as losing a child but struggling in my own way. Thank you,