Every event, every moment that impacts our lives, is the result of choices—choices made by you, me, and others. Think about 9/11. If you were 10 years old or older in 2001, you likely remember exactly where you were when you first heard the news that a commercial jet had crashed into the Twin Towers. At 9:03 a.m., many wondered if it was just a tragic accident. But minutes later, when the second plane struck, the world realized it was no accident at all.
We later learned that 19 hijackers, with their handlers, orchestrated the attacks. 2,977 innocent lives were lost that day, including 343 firefighters who gave their lives to rescue others.
But the reality of choices goes beyond just large-scale tragedies like 9/11. For me, the date that continues to shape my life is April 22, 2015.
That day, my daughter Abbie and six other nursing students from Georgia Southern University were involved in a devastating accident on Highway I-16 in Bryan County, Georgia. The group was on their way to complete their final day of clinical rotations at a local hospital. A distracted semi-truck driver—who chose to look at videos on his phone instead of focusing on the road—plowed into their vehicle at 70 mph. Four of these young women were killed on impact, including my daughter Abbie.
Abbie was airlifted to the hospital, where she fought for her life for two hours before succumbing to her injuries. The trauma team explained how Abbie fought hard, but I believe it was her choice to let go, knowing she was about to receive the eternal reward she truly deserved.
In the days that followed, my family and I were in shock. We had to make unimaginable decisions: choosing a casket, picking out a dress for Abbie, planning a funeral. In my grief, I knew I had to be there for my other daughter, Anna, who was in college. But while I went to work and tried to function, I found myself turning to the temporary comforts of the world—alcohol, distractions, and escapes.
In my anger and confusion, I rejected the comforting words that Abbie was in heaven or in a better place. Instead, I gravitated toward unhealthy choices. For a time, I let my grief spiral me down a path I knew would lead to despair.
But my salvation came through my mama. You see, no matter how much I tried to convince myself I was fooling everyone, my mama could see right through me. One look at my face and she told me, “Jimmy, if you don’t make a choice to pull yourself out of this darkness, you will end up in a deep pit of despair with many regrets.”
That was my wake-up call. I had to choose. I had to choose a path that would lead me away from self-destruction and toward healing. Maybe you’ve been in a similar place, facing a decision so painful that it took your breath away. If not, I pray you never will. But we all have moments where we make choices that shape us, for better or worse.
Think about a time when you made a choice that changed your life, for good or for bad. How did it feel to make that decision? To realize your power to shape your future? Whether you’ve faced tragedy or triumph, the decisions you make are powerful.
It’s important to remember that while we have the power of choice, we don’t control everything. Others make choices, too, and sometimes their decisions affect our lives in ways we can’t predict or understand. For me, I’ll never fully understand why Abbie and her friends had to die that day. I’ll never have a clear answer to the “why” of so much pain. But what I could control was my response.
I chose these four things to guide me forward:
- I chose to keep my faith in God.
My faith carried me through the shock, the anger, and the heartache of losing my daughter. It reminded me that God is the God of all comfort, and in times of trouble, we are called to comfort others with the comfort we’ve received.“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (II Corinthians 1:3-4) - I chose to forgive.
Forgiving the truck driver was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I won’t lie—I spent time wanting him to feel the same pain that we felt. But ultimately, I knew forgiveness was the only way to heal. Holding onto bitterness would have kept me in chains, but forgiving him allowed me to be free. - I chose to honor Abbie’s life.
In 2016, I founded the Abbie DeLoach Foundation to honor her legacy. The foundation funds scholarships for nursing students and athletes, as well as supports medical mission trips. By making these choices, I’ve been able to turn my grief into something that brings hope to others. - I chose to be an example to my children.
I wanted my children, especially Anna, to see how to handle life’s chaos with strength, perseverance, and faith. The journey hasn’t been easy, but it has led me to become a motivational speaker, sharing my story of resilience with others, especially young people facing their own struggles.
I was fortunate to have remarkable parents. My father, whose faith in God was unwavering, set an example for me that I strive to follow every day. My mother, an educator, taught me the power of resilience, of pushing through the hard times with grace.
Even now, there are days when the reality of losing Abbie knocks me down. I still feel the sharp pain of grief, and it takes my breath away. But I’ve learned that I don’t stay there. We have the power to choose how we respond to life’s challenges.
When we feel ourselves slipping into despair, we must choose to seek God, forgive others, honor those we’ve lost, and live steadfastly for those who need us. By doing so, we can be a light for others in their darkest moments.
I can’t make sense of why my daughter and her four friends lost their lives in that crash, just as I can’t understand why 14 people were taken on New Year’s Day in New Orleans. Some tragedies are beyond explanation. My heart is with all those who’ve lost loved ones. I pray they find peace, strength, and hope in the choices they make as they journey through their grief.
Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Let’s remember the power of our choices and the impact they can have not just on our own lives, but on those around us. May we choose love, forgiveness, and hope in every moment.
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